Ever since my 40 over 40 Project, I’ve been waiting for this day.

Rather than the anticipated fear of ageing that I’ve always had when big birthdays approach (I felt the same when I turned 13 and became an acknowledged teenager and actually even the day I turned 10 I still have vivid memories of- that feeling of despair and almost broken heartedness at saying goodbye to single digit life. So this is clearly a thing for me), but turning 40 I was excited.

I don’t know if it was a culmination of meeting some incredible women and finally learning true self acceptance, or if in fact you just turn 40 and it turns out you really do just give less of a damn. But I wanted to expose a part of me that had been deep rooted in shame and disgust.

My post partum belly.

It’s taken me many years to get to the point of post partum acceptance, and on my 40th birthday I just felt the shackles go and decided to get naked and take some portraits.

With luck I will be in this body far longer than I’ve already been in it, so why was I wasting my time and energy on the concept that others might judge me for my post birth body. My firstborn was a large baby. Far too big for my body. With my second baby I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, so I actually think I went undiagnosed with gestational diabetes with my first… but the care I received with my first was sub par at best the whole way through. Either way, I was left with a tummy that knocked my self confidence.

My son is now 10 years old, and over the years I’ve learnt to appreciate what my tummy has meant. I’ve gone from hiding my tummy to now wearing bikinis on the beach. There’s almost a thrill I get now when I do that. A sense of defiance and an advocate for all those mothers that didn’t get their previous bodies back after children. I mean what a misogynistic view point in itself (thanks media for that one).

Whether or not your body drastically changes with or without birth, our previous bodies shouldn’t even become an ideal. We should be nurturing the bodies we have.

Without that stretching I wouldn’t have my baby’s. Without the misshapen skin I wouldn’t have nurtured and grown two healthy children.

Yes I could remove the skin. But I’m not a fan of surgery at the best of times, so for me it’s not a route I wanted to go down. It felt like denying what my body had been through and how my children came into existence. Plus as more of my friends had babies I realised we all have post partum changes. Our breasts change after children, our tummy’s change. Some of my friends have grown an extra shoe size. I mean there’s no control over how we will change, but some of us physically do while others don’t change at all. And in truth it’s all ok.

So this is my version of 40. My tummy isn’t toned. It’s soft, it wobbles. It has wrinkles. When I bend over it’s almost like a man’s ball bag. No one complains about those do they… so que sera.

I know my body hasn’t finished changing. It’s constantly changing. With the menopause around the corner it’ll change again. I’m ok with that.

I can not even begin to tell you how freeing doing this self portrait session felt. If there’s a part of you that you feel shame over, I actively encourage you to confront it. Turns out, my belly doesn’t look half as bad as I thought it did, I actually quite like it. And I appreciate the other areas of my body that I’d completely forgotten about because of all my thoughts were consumed by my belly. When all along, it was doing exactly what it was meant to do. Helping to grow my children, and keeping me alive.

Image as part of The Proud Project. Titled: Grief

❗️Trigger warning ❗️

The day I took the series of images was on the 5th anniversary of my Dads passing. It’s always a day of reflecting and remembering now.

These images helped me to showcase my thoughts and feelings around the time of his passing and how consuming death becomes even after so many years.

Even though my Dad was on palliative care and we were expecting his passing, the period of time leading up to his death was excruciatingly hard.

I handled his dying in the only way I could. By pretending it wasn’t happening.

For me, my Dad has and always will be the oak tree in my life. He was a solid man- the best person to turn to for advice because he was a fountain of knowledge. He had strength a plenty and such an unselfish heart. He inspired me in so many ways. I was proud he was my Dad. He had such a dry sense of humour and a worthy addiction to chocolate.

So I refused to acknowledge he was dying. Even when the oncology consultant sat us all in a room to tell us there was nothing else that could be done and he had weeks left, a couple of months at best with blood transfusions, we all just shut down. I imagine most families cry. We all just left the room in a state of shock and pretended it was your average day. We discussed how good looking the doctor was and my dad just sung to my son who was sat on his lap in a wheelchair on the way back to the hospital ward. We all heard the doctor. We just pretended we hadn’t.

So I refused to acknowledge he was dying. I could visually see it. But my brain wouldn’t allow me to accept the truth. I kept a barrier up for self preservation. I was weak when he needed me not to be.

All those conversations I wish I’d had, I avoided. Instead I kept jovial and upbeat. But my body betrayed me. My throat and mouth were covered in ulcers. I just quietly sat in pain.

The morning he died, a part of me died. I held his hand the entire night, cleaned up the blood that came from his body and played him Jimmy Reeves through my phone. I talked to him about anything and everything. By the time I’d reached his bedside that night he could no longer speak or move, so I was doing what I thought was best. Distracting him. But in reality, I was distracting me.

I didn’t tell him enough that night that I loved him, because I didn’t want him to feel like it was a goodbye. I didn’t want him to know he was dying. I refused to let go of his hand. Clinging onto it like a small child holds onto a parent for assurance and guidance. His hand being my safe place.

He’d been in a state of concious paralysis so when he finally passed I was glad it was over. But internally I was broken. Watching someone die is like sitting in a boat and watching a person drowning but you just can’t reach them. It’s torture. But whatever I felt, it was nothing compared to what my dad had been through. It wasn’t a good death. He’d been let down by medical practitioners and he had no pain relief.

When someone dies and you don’t have those conversations but you know there was a chance you could have, there’s a deeper sense of loss for all the things you wish you’d asked or were brave enough to say.

He passed away at 4.04am and I drove back home to my own family. Again my body betrayed me and I was sick. The trauma too much to take in. I felt weak and lost. I was ashamed that I couldn’t match up and be his oak tree when he needed me. I was small and pathetic in my feeble attempts. I hid away in fear.

I remained the small acorn and cloaked myself from the pain I felt. I could protect myself in my shell, but I couldn’t protect the damage happening to him so it was easier to ignore his pain and pretend life was just normal.

I saw the light go out in his eyes. The moment his soul left. With it he took part of mine.

His death changed me fundamentally. There’s a before and after version of Donna. I think trauma does that to anyone.

I had a pyschic reading with Morgana Marie on his anniversary. and something she said really resonated with me.

He had to die so I could grow.

It sounds so self indulgent doesn’t it?

But it is so important that you invest in yourself because ultimately there’s just one of you and you are the only one responsible for your happiness.

So here are 5 reasons why investing is a necessity (in business and in life):

1. 100% of the investment goes towards achieving your goals. When you invest in yourself, (your brand or your life) that investment is solely being put into you and helping you reach the desired outcomes you need or want. All that time, money and energy isn’t going elsewhere. It’s focussed on helping you achieve your goals.

2. Frees up your time. Investing in yourself is another way of saying you’re outsourcing and that frees up your time and causes less stress. When it comes to work this could come in the form of getting a website developer or investing in yearly photographs that you can access easily for all your content needs- those jobs you don’t want to do can be done by someone else and instead you can use your time in an area of your business where you excel or enjoy some down time- down time when you’re a business owner is just as important as working consistently. In life you might get your nails done, or use a personal trainer… although you can paint your own nails or exercise at home the likelihood is you wouldn’t see the same results in the time it takes to use a professional service.

3. Avoids burnout. If you’re not outsourcing or you’re taking on too much and not giving yourself time to enjoy life and experience moments of happiness you can guarantee burn out will happen. When you choose to invest in yourself you can limit burnout because you’re doing things that you want to do, for your well-being and happiness.

4. Your productivity increases. When you invest in yourself ultimately you become happier and your relationships benefit from that too whether that’s at work or at home. You’ll often find you have more energy and your productivity increases because of that. Happy life = happy all around.

5. More confidence. Investing in yourself is telling yourself that you're worth it. Acknowledging what you need and desire is such an important first step to giving you more confidence.

Money spent on you isn’t self indulgence. It’s investment. It goes towards your mental wellbeing. Whether you’re using that money to excel in life or business it’s an important investment to make.

Remember, you are worth investing in.

Pregnancy is one of those occasions that needs to be celebrated because in reality it’s such a short period of time in our lives and such an incredible transformation happens. Whether this is your first child or your tenth you need to celebrate the incredible strength, resilience and superhuman powers you have for bringing new life into the world.

One of the biggest questions I get though is “what do I wear?“ -don’t worry I’ve got you covered!

A bodysuit

A simple black bodysuit will emphasise and show off your bump but keep you covered. There are bodysuits to compliment everybody and bring the right amount of va va voom depending on the look you want. You can get bodysuits with sleeves, sequins, no sleeve, deep v necks, high polo, lace, thong styles, full brief styles…

Fitted dress

A fitted dress brings elegance and style. It gives a very luxurious feel to an image. This can be something you already own (it doesn’t matter if zips don’t do up at the back, we can still work with it as long as it fits around the front) or something you might want to purchase.

Black underwear

This is a very simple look but it looks amazing. And of course most of us already have suitable underwear at home.

Fabric

The reality is you don’t really need to bring any clothes if nothing works, covering yourself with fabric might just be the look you’re after instead! Fabric can look so beautiful and sophisticated on a maternity photoshoot.

Jeans and a bra

This look is much more casual but still very eye catching and glam. And no doubt you have jeans at home! It doesn’t matter if you can’t do the buttons up, that just makes the belly pop even more and accentuate your beautiful bump.

Of course you also have access to my in studio wardrobe where we can pick and choose outfits that might compliment you and keep to the style you’re looking for. It’s time to have fun and capture stunning maternity portraits for you to treasure.

Branding is a word that’s thrown about a lot when it comes to establishing your business or brand. It goes far beyond the website design or the customised logo. Branding is all about the story of your brand and how you communicate that with your clients. In essence it’s what makes your business unique by conveying your skills and expertise in the field you work in in a variety of ways- photography is of course one of those areas and I wanted to talk to you today to be able to tell you how photography can be one of the most powerful elements of branding.

It helps to connect with your current and potential clients

A photograph allows consumers to connect with you on a level far beyond just a name or a faceless website. Brand photography shows clients who you are and that you’re trustworthy, because having your face out there shows a confidence in your product or service. It’s a fact that people are much more likely to buy something from someone they feel a connection with. And branding can help you to create that connection because photography gives them an insight into you.

It tells your story

With so many businesses now online, being able to stand out makes a difference. Studies have shown that opinions and judgements are formed in mere seconds of someone clicking onto your website. With that in mind you have limited time to tell your story to capture your potential clients interest. Visuals are the most eye grabbing when it comes to making that first impression. Great personal brand images tell your story and reveal your uniqueness within the market place, and that will increase conversion rates.

Pictures connect faster than words

Good copy is essential at being able to communicate with your clients but it’s the pictures that’ll grab them first and make them interested. For example, when you choose a hotel or a spa to book, the first thing you do is look at the images and see if the place aligns with your expectations over what you want. And then you go on to read the copy to see if what you visually like matches up with what is written. It’s the pictures that connect first and foremost with potential clients. Once you’ve visually pulled them in you then have your opportunity to tell them why you are the correct choice. But to do that you need to connect fast.

Wherever you are on your journey of being a business owner, having branding images will elevate you. and give you the power to be where you want to be. They help to communicate your story and to build trust in a fast, effective way. Brand photography is building a connection with clients on a deeper level and that’s why personal branding photogrpahy is so important.

Are you ready to create your personal brand story? Let’s get you started with a personal consultation.

My portrait “Lockdown Wedding” not only made it into the Historic England archives, but it was also selected as one of 100 portraits out of 31,000 to represent the UK during lockdown. Spearheaded by the Duchess of Cambridge, I think this is one of the biggest accolade’s to have come out of Lockdown for me and it certainly gave me the much needed boost to fulfil my dreams of becoming a portrait photographer.

A panel of judges including the Director of the National Portrait Gallery and the Duchess of Cambridge, selected the final 100 portraits which were also shown to Her Majesty The Queen, and went on to make up a digital portrait exhibition for The National Portrait Gallery.

In collaboration with Co-op, there has also been a community exhibition. The images have been displayed around the United Kingdom on posters and billboards up and down the country, including the hometowns of where the images were taken. My image has been displayed in Camden, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Manchester, London Waterloo and of course Bishop’s Stortford! A physical digital exhibition also took place in the grounds of the National Memorial Arboretum in Staffordshire.

A poster has kindly been created for me which I will be framing and hanging up with pride in the studio!

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As a portrait photographer I’m constantly learning and refining the way that I work. I spend a lot of time educating myself to provide my clients with the most exceptional portraits of themselves and their family members. Which is why I often submit images that I have taken into international competitions so I can get feedback on what I’m creating.

This year I have been so pleased to have been awarded four bronze awards from The Portrait Masters which is judged by internationally acclaimed photographers and educators.

I’m very much looking forward to submitting more images and continuing to learn from the very best in the portrait world and working towards my accreditation.