The way you show up in front of a camera, is the way you show up in life

I know this to be fact because it explains so much about how I’ve felt about myself during periods where I’ve lacked confidence and periods of my life where I have had confidence. Even saying I had or I have confidence sounds odd doesn’t it. It’s not about vanity, but about feeling secure and content within yourself so that when you show up on camera you honestly don’t care how you’re photographed which in turn presents the most authentic and beautiful images of yourself you’ll ever see.

It’s those moments when you’re full immersed in just being you because you’re living the life you want, that you present yourself with an authority and confidence.

I spent my 20’s modelling- it sounds glamorous and makes you assume it’s about beauty but it’s not. The ability to model was never about aesthetics. I learnt that quickly. It was about understanding how to be on camera. Back then, I never thought twice about the camera- it just existed and I knew the images would be great. It was an assured feeling. Granted not every picture, but I knew enough would be what was required and I never doubted that.

Move forward to my late 20’s when I became pregnant and my body and my reality felt alien. My confidence and how I felt about myself plummeted exacerbated by how rejected I felt from my partner who never helped me to feel secure at such a life changing time. I didn’t associate myself with the reality I was living and I became more withdrawn.

That feeling continued for years until more recently during my separation I’ve slowly felt myself returning to all the elements of life I found joy in that I’d been suppressing, fearing I was “too much.” I’m finally expressing myself fully in the lifestyle I have, want and most importantly desire. But this time I get to share everything with my kids who give me all the support and encouragement, and I want to be in the pictures. I want to capture the memories. I want to mark momentous moments of self growth with self portraits. I feel myself finally and that shows because I’ve released the trauma of feeling like I didn’t belong in a world that wasn’t created for a person like me. The more authentic I am, the more confident I become and that is what shows up in front of the camera.

So show up. Get in front of that camera. Challenge yourself. If it feels sticky lean into why and try and unravel it because there’s a feeling of greatness just beyond that where you can finally just be yourself.